


but if you loved me, why did you leave me?

by darknightskies



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Domestic Fluff, F/F, dansen is there too, don't worry no one dies, i guess?, in the second chapter, kara thinks she's lost lena, quite a lot of them actually, set right after crisis part 1, tbh how does one tag i've never done this before, there are tears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-10
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:27:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21738325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darknightskies/pseuds/darknightskies
Summary: set right after crisis on infinite earths, part 1. kara thinks that lena hasn't been able to make it onto a ship away from earth-38 in time and breaks down, but despite the fights and betrayal, lena will always be there for her.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 27
Kudos: 653





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hey! so this is the first fic i've written in like 10 years, and the first one in english too, so let me apologize in advance for any typos and such.
> 
> the title is from kodaline's "all i want".
> 
> my writing is incredibly rusty, so any tips and comments are definitely welcome! just keep it friendly (:
> 
> i hope you enjoy!

The heroes were waiting for them by the time the Legion ship landed on Earth-1. Alex was the first one to leave the ship when the doors finally opened, the worry clear on her face as her eyes scanned the line of heroes in front of her. An audible sigh escaped her lips as she spotted Kara, standing next to Clark and Kate.

“Kara, thank god you’re okay,” Alex said, as she ran up to hug her sister.

“I’m glad you’re okay, too. Did everyone make it onto the ship in time?” Kara asked, trying to scan the crowd for their shared friends while tightly holding onto Alex.

Alex was just about to open her mouth and tell her that she hadn’t seen any of the others yet when Kara suddenly loosened the embrace and muttered the words “Thank Rao.” They both made their way over to Nia and Kelly, who had just exited the ship, and were quickly joined by Brainy and J’onn. Kara was quick to notice that there was still someone missing.

“Alex, you said earlier that Lena helped create the portal. Where is she?”

“I haven’t seen her since the evacuation, Kara. She helped get everyone onto the ships together with Kelly and Nia. There were so many people on the field and only a limited amount of space on all the ships, so there is a chance that she wasn’t able to make it out. I am so sorry Kara.” As soon as those last words had left Alex’ lips, Kara’s eyes filled with tears.

“No. No, no, no. No. She’s smart, she would’ve known when it was time to get onto a ship. She can’t be gone Alex. She _can’t_ be.” Kara said, her voice thick with emotion, while a lone tear made its way down her cheek. “I-, I need a moment.”

Alex watched as her sister turned around and walked over to the edge of the field where they had landed. Kara stopped when she was standing next to a lake and let herself drop to her knees as a sob wrecked through her body. Alex’ heart ached for her sister, but she wasn’t sure what to do. Alex knew that her sister still cared deeply for the CEO, yet she couldn’t quite understand _how_. Lena had launched Myriad. She had aimed kryptonite rays at Kara. _Kryptonite_. Alex was trying to understand what this meant when Kelly’s voice interrupted her thoughts and brought her back to the present.

“Alex?”

“Huh?” Alex blinked and turned her head towards her girlfriend. She was met with a puzzled look, one that also graced the faces of Brainy, Nia and J’onn. “I’m sorry guys. I feel heartbroken for her, having already lost her mother and Argo today. But I can’t help but not understand the strong reaction to the news that Lena might be gone. After everything that went down with Myriad, you’d think that she could see Lena’s true intentions.” Alex’ eyes wandered to her sister again, who was still on her knees by the lake, her head down and shoulders shaking.

“Alex, isn’t it clear?” Kelly said, putting a hand on her girlfriend’s shoulder. “Have you seen the way Kara looks at Lena?”

“That girl’s got it _bad_. She looks at Lena as if she has hung the stars in the sky,” Nia joined in.

Just as the realization began to hit Alex – could her little sister really be in love with _Lena Luthor_? – she heard J’onn say the words she’d never imagined to be happy to hear again.

“Guys, is that Lena?”

The group turned their heads in the direction J’onn was looking and there she was. There was Lena Luthor handing back a little girl to what appeared to be her mother. A genuine smile graced the CEO’s face as the girl wrapped her little arms around her mother’s neck and Alex was hit with yet another realization. _This_ was their Lena. Their Lena was still there. Their Lena had always been there.

“Lena! Over here!” Alex called out, waving one hand in the air to try and get the CEO’s attention. It wasn’t long before the brunette had joined their little group, although she kept a physical distance between them. _She didn’t lie when she said that she didn’t trust them anymore._

“Is there anything else you need me for, Director Danvers?” Lena said curtly, her eyed void of the emotion – the _happiness_ – that was there a moment ago. She was short and closed off and Alex wondered if their friendship could ever be repaired.

“It’s Kara. I know that you two haven’t been speaking to each other and that you want nothing to do with all of us - I understand and respect that - but please hear me out for a second, okay?” Alex pleadingly looked at Lena, hoping that the brunette would set aside her feelings for a moment and just listen to her. When Lena remained standing before her silent and still, she continued.

“Kara has not only lost Earth-38 today. Before the anti-matter wave hit our planet it hit numerous other planets in the multiverse. One of those planets was Argo.” Alex visibly swallowed and looked towards her sister before she continued. “Superman, his wife and his son were able to flee the planet just in time, but billions of people died. Kara’s mother was among those people.”

Kelly wrapped her arm around Alex’ shoulders in support as Alex’ eyes were still fixated on her sister’s shaking form.

“You know, she stayed strong when Superman told her the news. She stayed strong because it was what was expected of her. She stayed strong and she fought back on Earth-38 to give all of us a chance to board the ships and get to safety.”

Lena’s eyes had now also found Kara’s figure by the lake. The normally so strong superheroine, the woman who was _sunshine personified_ , looked so small and frail. As if one small gust of wind would be enough to blow her away. Lena had seen Kara get emotional on a few occasions over the course of their friendship, she’d seen the pain in her eyes as they fought in the Fortress of Solitude and then again with the hologram at Mount Norquay. She had never seen her look this distraught, though. This _defeated_.

“She only broke down after hearing that no one here had seen you since the evacuation and that you might not have made it onto a ship in time,” Alex finished.

An almost inaudible “ _oh_ ” was the first thing Lena said, her eyes not straying from Kara’s shaking form. Alex could see the tears in the brunette’s eyes. She could see that Lena was trying to keep them from falling.

“I don’t understand…” Lena whispered, a look of disbelieve and confusion gracing her features. “Why would she react like this when she clearly doesn’t care about me? When all she has done is hurt me?”

“Lena, it is not that Kara doesn’t care about you. She cares too much. She knows that it was wrong to keep her secret from you, her _best friend_ , for so long, but she did it to keep you safe. You already have a target on your back because you are a Luthor, she didn’t want you to be in even more danger because of a friendship with a Super,” Alex tried to explain. “I don’t think she could handle it if anything ever happened to you. I mean, look at her. What I do know for sure, though, is that she can’t handle not being a part of your life. I have seen my sister slowly spiraling ever since your fight at the Fortress. She’s not herself. She misses you so much, Lena.”

Lena was losing the fight against her tears and when the first one finally broke free, it was impossible to stop the rest from following. Everything around her is temporarily forgotten as the gears in her head turn and try to make sense of what Alex has just told her. Kara was spiraling. She wasn’t herself. She _broke_ the Girl of Steel. Her eyes are still on Kara as the full weight of her actions hits her like a freight train and a sob escapes her lips. Deep inside, she knows that she has been missing Kara terribly and that her strong feelings towards the blonde have never faded, but she had not been willing to accept that up until now.

Kelly had just taken a visibly shaken Alex into her arms when Lena suddenly started moving. When it became clear that she was making her way towards Kara, Alex moved to go after her, but she stopped when she felt Kelly’s hand wrap around her wrist.

“Let them figure this out together, Alex. They’re both hurting and they need to talk this out. They’re the only ones that can fix this.”

/////////

The closer Lena came to Kara, the clearer it became how much of a wreck the usually bubbly blonde was. Her cheeks were red and tear-stained and her entire body was trembling as heartbreaking sobs exited her mouth. Kara didn’t appear to notice that someone was approaching her and merely flinched when Lena crouched by her side and put a hand on her shoulder.

“Kara?”

Kara’s head shot up at the sound of Lena’s voice and watery blue connected with emerald green.

“Lena?” Kara croaked. “Is that really you?”

“I am still here, darling. I made it onto a ship just in time.” Lena’s hand moved up to Kara’s face to take a strand of hair that was stuck to one of her cheeks and tucked it behind her ear. “I am so sorry for what I have done to you Kara.” Her voice broke. “I am so, so sorry. I never meant to hurt you like this. I felt so hurt when Lex told me about your secret. _So_ betrayed. You-, you broke my _heart_ Kara.”

Kara’s eyes widened at Lena’s confession and a hand shot up to her mouth as another sob threatened to escape. Lena could see the hurt in Kara’s eyes and pulled her into her arms. The Kryptonian wrapped her arms around Lena’s waist and buried her face in her neck. Lena could feel how Kara grabbed fistfuls of her blouse, clinging onto her like a lifeline.

“I’ve got you darling, and I always will. I promise,” Lena managed to say through her tears and at that point Kara knew. She may have lost two more worlds today, but in Lena’s arms she’ll always have a home.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooo…i wasn’t originally going to write a second chapter to this, but here we are. i accidentally switched tenses between the chapters, so forgive me for that. i have no idea how it happened but it miiiight have something to do with the fact that i just wrote this between 2 and 4 am. oh well.
> 
> anyways, this takes place three weeks after crisis has ended, kara and lena have since then talked it out and are now dating.
> 
> hope you enjoy and merry christmas!

They had done it in the end. The Anti-Monitor had been defeated and they had been able to restore all the previously destroyed planets. But at what cost? They had lost Oliver. They had temporarily lost their home planets and their loved ones.

When Kara thinks back on it now, three weeks later, it still awakens feelings of sorrow and pain in her. She is pulled out of her thoughts when Lena returns from the kitchen with a bowl of freshly popped popcorn and curls up on the sofa next to her.

“So, what movie are we watching?” Lena asks while swinging her legs over Kara’s lap. She scoots herself a little closer to the blonde and lays her upper body against the Kryptonian’s chest. Kara wraps an arm around the brunette and grabs the remote with her free hand before switching the TV to Netflix.

“I was thinking something light and funny? I’ve had enough drama and action for a while after everything that has happened.”

After scrolling through the app for a few minutes they decide on La La Land. Kara had once mentioned that she loves the movie and its music during a lunch date and the blonde had been utterly surprised when she found out that Lena had never seen it.

As the opening number of the movie starts, Kara wraps her other arm around her girlfriend and closes her eyes. She focuses on the steady beat of Lena’s heart and lets it drown out the music and sounds from the TV. It assures her that the brunette is alive and well, a stark contrast to the situation a few weeks ago. After thinking that she lost Lena on Earth-38, she had _really_ lost her when Earth-1 was destroyed.

But she got her back. She got her back and they had met up a few days later to finally talk it all out. Lena had explained why the fact that Kara had kept her secret hurt so much, how everyone in her life had betrayed her trust. How she vowed to never trust anyone again after what happened with Andrea and the Medallion of the Acrata, but also how she couldn’t do anything but open up more and more as she grew closer to the blonde. Her only friend. The one person of whom she truly thought would never betray her. And then she _did_.

In turn, Kara told Lena her reasons for keeping her secret. How she wanted to protect the brunette, but not just because that’s her duty as Supergirl. She wanted to protect Lena because she _loves_ her. She had spoken those words with a shaking voice as she looked down at the floor, avoiding eye contact because she was scared of what she would see in those beautiful emerald eyes in response. After a moment of silence, Lena had lifted Kara’s chin with her hand so that she could look at the blonde as she spoke.

“I love you, too, Kara Zor-El.”

She hadn’t called her Kara _Danvers_ , she had called her Kara _Zor-El_. Her real name. Her _Kryptonian_ name.

Lena had moved her hands up to cradle Kara’s cheeks and softly wiped away the tears that had escaped the Kryptonian’s eyes.

“I have always loved you,” Lena said, as she leaned in to capture Kara’s lips with her own. Their first kiss was slow and soft and it made Kara feel truly alive, something that she hadn’t felt in a while now. She knew that from there onwards things would only get better for the two of them.

They had spent the rest of the night talking. Kara had taken Lena into her arms as they sat on the sofa and had told her about Krypton. About her life there and her family, but also about how technologically advanced the planet was and about how she would have been the youngest person ever to have joined the Science Guild if Krypton had not been destroyed. Lena listened in awe as Kara told her about her home planet, occasionally asking questions, but mostly content to listen and learn more about the women she loved.

The soft sounds of “City of Stars” mixed with light snoring brings Kara back to the present, smiling softly as she looks down at her sleeping girlfriend. Lena has buried her face into the Kryptonian’s neck and Kara can only think about how lucky she is that she gets to call this gorgeous woman hers. She turns off the movie before sliding her right arm under Lena’s knees. She slowly lifts the sleeping brunette and stands up, making her way to the bedroom. Kara softly lies Lena down on the bed and covers her with the blanket before going into the bathroom to brush her teeth. When she returns she sees that Lena has turned onto her side and Kara lies down in bed besides her, laying an arm over the brunette’s side and pulling her close before closing her eyes and drifting off to sleep.

///////////////////////

Kara wakes up to the sound of soft snoring and with her face buried in a mop of dark hair the next morning. She pulls back and lies on a back for a bit, basking in the sunlight shining into the room through the window while she waits for her girlfriend to wake up. About 30 minutes later the Kryptonian notices some movement on her left and as she turns on her side again she looks straight into Lena’s beautiful, but sleepy, emerald eyes.

“Good morning, darling,” Lena whispers, as she puts a hand on Kara’s cheek and leans in to kiss her. Lena moves to get up after they break apart, but Kara puts a hand on her wrist and looks at her with her trademark puppy eyes.

“Can’t we stay in bed just a little bit longer?”

“I’m just going to grab something from my bag and then I’ll be right back. It’s a surprise for you that I have been working on for the past few weeks,” Lena says with a wink as she stands up. She leaves the room and returns a minute later with a black box in her hand. She sits down next to Kara on the bed again and holds out the box to her in her right palm.

“Do you remember how you told me about Krypton a few weeks ago?”

Kara nods.

“I couldn’t shake those stories from my mind and I knew that I had to do something with them. Something to surprise you with.” Lena opens the box to show Kara its contents. “I modified a pair of Obsidian VR lenses and tried to create a simulation of Krypton based on what you’ve told me. It’s probably far from perfect, but I thought that we could maybe work on them together if you like? We could improve them to accurately show Krypton. I know that Earth has become your home over the years, but Krypton is your real home and I wanted to give you back a piece of that,” Lena concludes. Teary ocean blue eyes look back at her and she smiles at the blonde while trying her hardest not to tear up herself. “Do you want to try them?”

Kara nods as Lena hands her a tissue to dry her eyes. She then carefully takes the contact lenses from the case and puts them into her eyes. Her eyes tear up again and her hands start shaking when she is met with the red sun and rocky terrain that she knows so well. She is outside her family’s palace and it all looks so _real_. It feels as if she is truly _home_ , back on the planet that she has lost so many years ago. Kara feels herself getting overwhelmed and she ends the simulation, taking out the contacts just before a sob erupts from her mouth.

“It—, it looks so _real_ ,” Kara manages to bring out between sobs and Lena takes her into her arms. “But it is also so beautiful. Thank you so much, Lena. Thank you.”

“How about we go and get some breakfast at Noonan’s and maybe look at the simulation together when we get back?” Lena asks her girlfriend and she can feel Kara nod against her chest.

“I would really like that.”


End file.
